My…Your…Our… Redesigned Life

I’m Triggered
Make it a great day – Help me see

What is being triggered mean?  You may have heard that funny little girl on youtube talk about being triggered.  My 10 year old son has taken to using that word because of those videos.  According to urban dictionary and the new popular use of this word in memes and on social media it means to become angry after seeing something you hate or to feel rage because of something that happened.

But, this is an actual word my therapist used to use and it originated from a psychology term “trauma trigger”.  It was originally associated with post traumatic stress syndrome but has broadened to include those who have experience trauma of many sorts, not just those that have actual flashbacks to those moments.

I had a period today where I got a lot more intimate with a triggering event for me.  For me, triggered has come to mean that an event or usually something someone says causes me to project myself back on a much more traumatic event or feeling from my childhood.  Today,  I received an email that for some reason put me on the defensive and I took the tone of the email to be quite dismissive.  That almost immediately sent me into a mental tailspin of my current go to cover up anger item.  She swirled through my head like wild fire, but instead of focusing on her as I have been doing lately, I moved deeper to what may or may not be the root emotion.  The abandonment by my father and the subsequent lies he spread about me.  I do believe he tried to love me in his own way, but just wasn’t equipped to and ultimately protected himself from his own failures and insecurities.

I view this as a movement in the right direction.  I also had a couple other things happen today that may indicate that movement is happening and the possibility of growth and change is swirling around me.

VIII Justice

XXI The World

King of Wands

Your energy is starting to balance.  Your past influences are showing themselves as lessons in the current moment. A new cycle begins.  Doors open and opportunities present themselves.  You have the tools and are well prepared for success. It is time to own your gift and creativity.  Take action and be decisive.

That pretty much sums it up.  Amazing how quickly things can start to move when you open yourself to change and allow the universe in.

 

Rise Above Your Limitations
Make it a Great Day – Get Back on Track

I was definitely weak today.  I am two months today into the Keto way of eating.  You can follow my journey at RedesignedBody.com.  I have been doing great until this last week when I can feel my old ways of being sneaking back in.  Sneaking being the operative word here and justifying, that one too.  No use getting upset about it or beating myself up, just back at it tomorrow.

I am fully fat adapted so I am not worried about the ketosis side of things, my body likes that state and will pop right back in.  I worry more about the cravings and self-sabotage.  This is always my downfall.  Things start going well and then I find some way to fail so that I don’t have to own it or something.  Yup, good thing I am seeking out guidance from multiple sources to help me figure things out and keep moving in the right direction.

Multiple perspectives can be very helpful.  Let me know if I can help to provide you with additional insight and perspective.  I am not afraid to ask for help and neither should you be.

XX Judgement

I Magician

XVIIII Sun

Wow!  All Major Arcana cards.  This generally indicated that something important is going on and that the situation is set for change or influence.  Lends weight and importance to the reading.

You are feeling judged, like a small child overlorded by an authoritative figure.  You cower under the weight of what others decide about you.  This realization of others judgements gives you a second chance to make decisive action, change course and achieve success.  This is a gift.  You have all the tools you need.  You are capable and worthy, you just have to figure out the right combination of these tools to apply to this situation.  You can rise above this obstacle.  You desire and will to succeed must be matched with discipline and fortitude.  if you do then inspiration and all you imagined the rewards would be are waiting for you. You will be liberated from the old and soar beyond your limitations.

As I did this reading I thought of something I read once where they were talking about lots of major arcana cards in a reading dealing with emotional issues meaning that the emotions and past influences that the person is dealing with are deep-rooted and likely imposed upon them by someone else.  I really felt this in the Judgement card.

This readings speaks directly to what I have been feeling today.  I have momentarily fallen into old patterns, but I see them more clearly now than before.  I need to remove and embrace all that was and rise above it.  I will show some discipline and get back on track.  I so want the liberated outcome and starting from scratch was much harder.  I am worth the sacrifice and discipline it will take to make this work.  It isn’t even depriving or hard.  My body loves it.  I just need to see these things clearly for what they are and move beyond them.

You Can Only Control Your Own Actions
Make it a Great Day – Keep moving forward

Thanks to my amazing and very productive husband, we are making significant progress toward a big goal of ours.  The end goal being that I have an inviting, creative and inspiring place to work. One of the interim steps is to get the rec room organized.  The downstairs has gradually become more and more of a storage place for all the junk we don’t know what to do with.  Now, slowly but surely we are making out way through the piles of junk and boxes and books and things that never got unpacked when we moved in.

We did realize that we are going to need some storage solutions and that getting those will then require us to make progress on other projects.  Isn’t that how it always goes?  I do think that we have most of the pieces, they just need to be rearranged a bit.  A few new pieces here or there and some organization touches and we should be good to go.

My favorite accomplishment of the weekend is that we got the music corner set up.  I am super excited about this as I feel like musical expression is something missing significantly from my life and this is one step toward allowing that portion of my creativity and self expression out.  I played the piano today and that felt great.

We also unearthed the treadmill and got it all updated and working again and EB took a three mile run today.  Now, let’s hope I will be inspired to do the same sometime soon.

I also bought some new notebooks, one for my purse and one for my bedside table, to write down all the spontaneous inspiration that comes to me.  My recent tarot reading suggested that these intuitive and spontaneous thoughts are important and I need to use them and keep track of them.  I have been doing that for the last couple days and I have several great ideas for blog posts that I can’t wait to get started on.

Overall a good weekend and I am excited to go into this week.

Three of Swords

Page of Swords

King of Wands

Four of Cups

Despite your best effort, a situation has come to an end.  It isn’t your fault but you must deal with the rejection and move on to free up your creativity.  Communication has broken down and the resulting loss in eminent.  The other party has jumped to conclusions and is allowing their need for attention and control to dominate their landscape right now.  Make sure not to go off the emotional deep end, so to speak.  It is ok and you need to keep the emotions in check and keep moving forward or risk derailing your progress.

With as positive as I am feeling today, I was surprised to receive such an emotionally charged reading.  Things have been going so well that I really haven’t spent much time thinking about the situation, even though it is right in front of me.  I keep forgetting.  I am sure this is just avoidance of my pain, but I have to focus on me.  Really, I should probably just take it as a good sign that I am not crying about it all the time any more.  I can’t control her.  With everything moving and swirling in my life, I need to focus on the things that keep moving me forward and let go of the things holding me back.  She did a good job of teaching me that.

It has been my fear that this might be the end.  I have no confirmation that this is actually the case, but the messages have always been that there was no fixing this situation, that she isn’t really interested in fixing it.  Then why reach out at all?  Will we actually try again?  I don’t know, but I need to remember that this is about her and really has nothing to do with me.  As sad as I am about the circumstances, I can only control my own actions, reactions and emotions.  I need to be careful not to allow myself to fall back into my destructive habits just because I am devastated by a situation that I have absolutely no control over.  Just keep moving forward, feel your emotions and then let them go.

 

 

 

One Foot in Front of the Other
Make it a Great Day – November 10 2017

Three Card Tarot Reading - Make it a great day!

In true fashion as I start to feel that things are moving and I am headed in the right direction, I self sabotage.  I subconsciously hold myself back and am fearful of allowing my intuition to guide me and to actually follow the path.  I consulted another tarot reader in hopes of some clarity and all my heart and love goes out to her.  Although she didn’t really tell me anything that my own intuition hadn’t already told me, it is good to have validation and confirmation that your own intuition is correct.  If I want to successfully help others I have to truly believe in my gift and I need to trust my spirit guides and myself wholeheartedly.

A couple of action items that I took away from that reading are that I need to act on my intuitive creativity as it happens.  I can’t count how many times I am standing in the shower or driving in the car when like an entire blog post about any variety of topic just runs out of my head.  She advised that I put systems into place to capture those moments.  These are the inspired thoughts that will lead to future success. Audio recorders and notebooks and things easily on hand that will help me capture those moments and then set them into action.  I will have to think a bit on how I make that happen in the shower.  Do they make a waterproof scribble board or recorder?  I bet they do.  I can’t be the only one struck by brilliance in the shower.  I often wish there were some way to simply capture all that my mind is thinking, sometimes it is hard to keep up and gone in a flash.

She recommended a daily meditation.  Well, duh.  That’s what these readings are and I too often do not prioritize them.  I looked back at my first ‘Make it a Great Day’ post for inspiration.  Back at it!

I have been thinking about heading back to therapy to just tighten up and address a few last pesky issues.  Most of the dragons are slayed, but there are still a few nagging items, most of which relate to my ability to trust myself and not let my perceived expectations of others hold me back.  I am sending an email today.

She also encouraged me to set up a special office space for myself that would help inspire me and keep me moving forward.  Are you kidding?  How long have I been talking about getting the office cleared out and the downstairs space more comfortable and functional.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, quit thinking about it and actually start.

That is the big theme.  Quit thinking so much and just start.  It doesn’t even really matter what you start.  Each step will lead you to the next step.  It doesn’t need to make sense, just one foot in front of the other.

Two of Cups

Queen of Cups

King of Swords

Your closest relationship is influencing how you feel about your own abilities and intuitive guidance. Your have become dependent on their approval in order to take action.   Your intuition is strong and  love of others undeniable but you are also prone to not following through and simply floating along.  You spend too much time overthinking things and wondering what others will think to ever make real change. A good counselor may be needed to push you over the hump.

Well that was right on with the themes of the day.  Doesn’t surprise me as I am intuitively linked to this other reader and to my own spirit guides at the moment.  I hear you and will take action.  I promise.

PS.  I chose a new deck to start using.  I am not discarding the old one and will likely continue to use it for readings I do for others until I am fully connected and intuitively linked to this new deck.  But I will chalk this up to a small action taken.  So much is changing in my life, it felt time for a fresh start.  My old cards are to me like that favorite old grandpa sweater that I wrap around myself for warmth and comfort.  But it also carries in it all the energy for many many years of all of my experiences and those of everyone I have ever read for.  It is time to move forward with a fresh outlook and this new deck felt like a timely right move in that direction.

I am in love with them.  They are beautiful and speak very clearly to me and I can’t wait to share them with you.  The feature image on this post will give you a little taste.

One man’s victory is another’s loss
Make it a great day #22

When I was 11 months old, I died.  Many who experience near death experiences wake up very sure of why they are here and where there path must lead from this moment.  As a child I remember knowing in my entire being exactly where I supposed to go in this life.  Somewhere along the way I lost that.  That is the unfortunate part of getting that info so young.  Life beats you down, parents tell you not to be silly and you start to forget.  I have had times in my life where things were very clear and very directed.  Whenever I feel like I am being pulled along I always know to follow, it is clear that is the right direction.  Maybe my NDE helps me see those moments more clearly and allows me easier access to my spirit guides.  I have been fostering this relationship on and off my whole life, but it was only a few years ago that I gained the knowledge to help me understand what that was all about and learn to hone it in.

I long for that knowing I had as a child.  I think I have spent the bulk of my life searching for it again.  I am sure it was what has drawn me to the tarot, in which I found a true gift.  I have done something a bit nutty but sometimes you must just put yourself out there, completely vulnerable, to the universe.  I can’t wait to see what comes along as a result.

Five of Swords

Four of Cups

Queen of Wands

While being very focused on the goal of keeping the drama away, you can claim this victory.  But, remember that there is more at play here and other people were hurt in the process.

So the old program has fallen apart.  I think this reading relates to that.  I have been really focused on keeping the drama away and don’t want to bring all those people and all that entails back into my environment.  Things are good and maybe I used a bit of influence to make sure this all went the way I wanted it to.  I do feel for those families and especially the athletes, but we have been through so much this past year and these people are a big part of why it happened.  I have a hard time with people who are willing to manipulate and harm others in order to get what they want and guess what, karma is a bitch.  It definitely came back to bite them in the butt.  Now, I guess this is reminding me not to turn into them in order to keep them away.  I feel confident that I acted with integrity and would do it again, but it is a good reminder to keep an eye on the big picture.

 

Make it a great day #21

Happy Father’s Day to all those dads out there.  I know I am so thankful and proud of my husband and the amazing father he is to our children.  I didn’t have a great dad so it makes me feel very blessed that my children have such a great one.  It makes all the difference in the world.

XV Devil

Queen of Cups

Nine of swords

The door is open.  You are the only one holding you back.  You can continue to hide and live in fear of failure or you can step out of your cage and move forward.  You are a bundle of emotions all out on the surface and effecting everything you do.  This is effecting the way you speak to yourself and filling your head with negativity continuing the cycle of fear presented in the Devil.

Oh my, well that is no surprise.  I have been an unproductive mess the last few days.  Things were on the upswing, I was feeling mentally and physically better and then I just pull myself back down into my comfortable little safe place of going nowhere.  Sigh.  Keep moving and keep recognizing this pattern and keep starting over.  Tomorrow is a new day.

 

Make it a great day #20

It’s nice to have my friend back in the fold.  Lovely afternoon.

Feeling just a touch anxious about her progress and workout environment again.  She is fine.  I know that.  Just ingrained to worry I guess.  She tells me I worry more about it than she does.  Just your crazy mom, I say.

Ten of Wands

Knight of Cups

0 Fool

Queen of Wands

Something has run its course and it is time to move on.   Stop carrying the burden and let it go.  There are a lot of emotional matters around you.  Make sure to take control of your own and protect yourself from those that are flooder with their own. You have a new journey to begin and focus on.  It is time to return to the beginning and set forth again.  Look closely for that thing you left idling in the past waiting for the right time.  It is time now to follow your heart and pursue things for yourself.

I know I know.  She is fine and now it is time focus on me.  I am trying, I really am.  The idea of some idea I put aside or career I gave up on as a child keeps coming up for me.  It still feels like there are parts of my past and brain and self that are walled off to protect me.  I guess it is time to work on breaking down those walls.  What I am supposed to be doing is in there somewhere.  It keeps coming back to that.

Make it a great day #19

Good morning so far, feeling good energy and even was motivated enough to keep to my loose routine that I braved the rain.  That is not normal.  Good sign.  Feeling positive and energized for the day.

Page of Cups

Ten of Swords

Page of Swords

Six of Coins

Again with the new relationship right at the top there.  Hmmm.

Emotional matters manifested in the material world.  Be prepared and open to the challenge of learning and discovering your intuitive potential from a new relationship.  This is akin to hitting bottom.  There is nowhere left to go.  You have been blocked up and trapped for long enough and finally have hit a point where you are ready to see the opportunities that lie ahead.  This is just the beginning.  The idea is fresh and unorganized.  You find your mind racing and hopping from one thing to the next.  Focus on challenging yourself intellectually and learning as much as you can about your idea.  This is a time to gather information and flush out ideas.  Give yourself the opportunity to have many ideas and sort through the good and the bad.  When doing all of the creative thinking, focus on how you can contribute to your community and during this time be generous with your time and money.

I definitely see the plethora of ideas and trying to organize and flush those out.  I seem to be in a constant state of this.  I have put a little bit of structure around that while still giving myself the space to think freely about it all.  I will keep that up.  I have agreed to take on a project where I will be contributing my skill set to my community.  I also heard from another charitable organization looking to use my skill set.  So this could provide me with some distraction as I flush out these ideas.  I really hope that my skill set doesn’t end up being where we are headed again though.  I am happy to do these projects for good causes, but I need to be clear with myself that I am not getting sucked back into doing this for a living.  I want to focus on my intuitive abilities and really searching inside myself for how I can contribute to others as well as heal myself and create a balanced and passionate life for myself.  The idea of opening a practice facility has come up for me again in the last couple of days.  I want to keep that as an open possibility for the future.  I am sad though that he seems to be disconnecting from me.  I thought it might be something we did together some day.

 

Make it a great day #18

I am very curious about this new relationship.  I have been told several times by other intuitives I know that a new relationship will play heavily in my future, but no significant new relationship has come up in a while so I will keep an eye out but I am not holding my breath.  Maybe when the stewing is done.

Or maybe it is the new coaches, although are they really that new any more?  They come into play as a new relationship for her as well whenever I read for her, so maybe.  I am hoping she feels better soon so that she can go back to the fun and cheerful march toward her goals.  Things were going so well.  Bodies and minds are curious things.

Four of Cups

Knight of Cups

VII Chariot

Two of Cups

Wow there they are again.  Lots of cups and the new relationship still playing a prominent roll.  Funny enough, I pulled three cards and then one last one called to me.  The two of cups.

Single minded focus.  The desire to create change in one’s life.  Diving into the deep end of the pool.  Allowing oneself to emotionally commit fully to something.  This leads to a strong and untamed forward momentum.  This energy is not yet harnessed and controlled and can feel a bit overwhelming, but also powerful and freeing.  Ride the wave to a new relationship.

Ok, so interesting.  A little clarity about how and when the new relationship comes into play.  Almost like they were answering my question directly, but always in their cryptic way.  All these reading are pointing to fully committing, taking small actions and creating momentum which in time will lead to the new beginning.  Why is it perpetually off in the distance though.  I’m sure it is me and my really needing to commit and give myself over to the journey and do the daily work to make it happen.  Until I can do that, the timing likely isn’t right anyway.

Make it a great day #17

So, I wish I could say that I turned yesterday into a super productive day filled with adding structure and routine and blazing a trail through the mess that is my life right now, but alas that isn’t what happened.  Mostly I did a lot of much of nothing.  Oh well, today is a new day and I will say that I am feeling motivated today.

Two of Cups

Three of Cups

0 Fool

A new relationship brings cheer and celebration.  A new journey begins

Hmm,  I wonder what that is all about.